Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize