One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Do you have feelings for this penis?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
