I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
no you cant smoke seaweed
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
