Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
