Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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