I'm gonna have a badass scar
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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