Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
