I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
