honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize