i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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