I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize