We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
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