in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
