It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
And then he peed in my hair
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