It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
