Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
