Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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