have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
