Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
