I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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