she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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