please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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