Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
