Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
