I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
