party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
its liver damage thursday
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
