dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
