I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
