it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
