one two three fourrrrnication!
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
