You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
