If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
