sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
