He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
