I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
