it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
