You're completely useless in the revolution.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Randomize
