dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
