He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
