Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Randomize
