I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
