just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
