She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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