So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
