ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
