Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
My breath smells like gin and sadness
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize