it wasn't lemon gatorade
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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