I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
