the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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