we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
