when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
did you just send me my own nude
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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