I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
