Yo dont text me then not text me
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Randomize
