Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
