I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
