Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
