i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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