you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
