How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
