If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
