WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
