I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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