I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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