...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
