I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
