i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
BRING THE BAGELS
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
