Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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