I accidentally burped into my bong.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I have already put on my inside pants.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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