I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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