he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
