it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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