the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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