Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize