shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
