Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
