with your own penis?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
