blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize