It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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