just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
