shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
