how hairy? two words: wookie tits
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
