His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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