Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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