your room smells of hookers.
And success
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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