Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
