Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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