I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize