I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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