A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
