If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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